


First.

by beratings



Series: First. Last. Only. [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-01
Updated: 2014-05-01
Packaged: 2018-01-21 11:54:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1549604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beratings/pseuds/beratings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After graduating college, Dean's dorm mate, Castiel Novak, goes missing. The only thing Castiel left behind was a strange letter addressed to his best friend. Dean's left confused and angry for 3 weeks until he finally gets the news and immediately tries to decode Castiel's encrypted letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Missing.

 

 

 

 

_Dean, _

_     I can't believe it's been 6 years since I first met you. I remember that night like it was yesterday, back when we were just two guys that got paired up to share a dorm. Hell, I thought you were a fuckin' douche. With your dumb hair cut and that leather jacket that was practically glued to your skin. You remember the first night don't you? When you made me go out to that bar, what was it? The Roadhouse? You introduced me to Ellen while Jo stole the booze and snuck upstairs. I had 3 shots, two puking spells, zero hours of sleep, and one very bad hangover. I swear, just writing this letter, I can still taste that disgusting cheap vodka you forced down my throat. That was a great night, Dean. One of the best memories I'll ever have of you. Sometimes I really just wish we could go back to that time. It was so much simpler. I hope you remember the details clearly, I hope you weren't too drunk to miss anything I told you that night.  _

_     AnyWay , it's  crAzy  That we're finally  hEre.  I  neveR  thought we would  mAke  it this far.  You'Ve  been  thE  best friend I could ask for. I wrote you a little something else. Here it is, trust me, it might weird  you out at FIRST, but you'll get it soon. You're smart, Dean. You'll get it.  _

_ Give my best to Sam and Jess, _

_ Castiel . _

    The only thing that followed was some weird poem from Cas the English Major. Dean sighed heavily and set the page down. It had been 3 weeks since he heard from Cas. 3 weeks of radio silence from the guy he'd practically confessed his undying love to, and Dean was still hung up on it. 3 weeks of unanswered calls, leaving Dean feeling absolutely miserable. How many messages had he left now? At least ten. Ten messages filled with "Hey, buddy. Me and a few of the guys are going out for drinks, you should come with! Call me back." And "Hey, Cas. I don't know if you're just busy or we're playing phone tag or what, but I was thinking maybe we could look at apartments together? I know you're probably in need of one too. Anyway, call me back." 

    Dean's cell rang, bringing him out of his misery, and for a moment he actually thought it was  Cas. His chest tightened as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He looked at the ID. It was Victor, his old college buddy who was now a big shot private investigator who hadn't spoken to Dean in months. 

    "Hello?" Dean said, trying to mask his disappointment. 

    "Dean? It's Victor. I just got some bad news. You sitting?" Victor's voice sounded like static over the line, he sounded stressed, much like he did the night before their huge Chemistry exam. Dean sat up straight, worry creeping its way down his neck. 

    "Yeah, what's up man?" He responded after a beat of silence.

    "When's the last time you spoke to Castiel Novak?" Victor asked quietly, his voice shifting from stress to professional cop in half a second. 

    "Graduation, three weeks ago. Why? Is he in jail or something? That would explain the unanswered calls." Dean said, chuckling to himself. "What'd he do? Bet it was drunk and disorderly." He added with a sigh.

    "No, Dean. Castiel Novak has been missing for three weeks. He was last seen at graduation. With you." Victor said, his voice strained again.

    "Missing? What the fuck. No, that's not possible. How could he be missing?" Dean said standing now and pacing across the room. 

    "We have a few leads, but nothing solid. Did he say anything to you before he left? Anything at all?" Victor said. Dean heard the rustling of paper from across the line, faint, barely there, but it was enough to keep him grounded. He felt dizzy, like he was about to pass out, but he tried to remember. 

    "No, no I don't think so." Dean said hastily before turning to see the page on the desk again. "Wait, yeah, there's something. It's just a letter though, man. A halfway-forgotten story, a dumb poem, and his "best wishes." There's nothing else." 

    "Alright." Victor said quietly. Dean could practically see him shaking his head, running that big dark hand over his brow like he used to during finals. "Well, thanks for your cooperation. If you hear anything from him, contact me immediately, you know my number. We'll be in touch, Dean. I'm sorry you had to hear this from me." 

    "Nah, I'd rather hear it from a friend." Dean said, his throat getting tight. "Thanks for keeping me in mind, though. Let me know if anything else happens." He added before hanging the phone up and swiftly whipping it across the room, turning around before it smashed into the wall. 

    He leaned down on the desk again, palms flat on the surface, staring at the page with a strange sense of deja-vu. 

    He remembered the novel Cas was working on. Some top secret spy who left codes in all of his letters, weird encrypted messages in between the lines of each of his hand written notes. Dean shook his head, rereading the last line of the letter. "You're smart, Dean. You'll get it."

    Dean wasn't smart, not nearly as smart as Cas, how could he possibly understand this secret message, this stupid message that his friend was obviously sending him. That's when Dean huffed out a laugh and shoved the note back in the drawer of his desk and walked out, not bothering to grab his leather jacket on the way because god knows it would only remind him of his best friend. 

    He got halfway down the block when Sam's car pulled up on the side of the road. 

    "Dude, what are you doing?" Sam asked incredulously from the driver's seat. "Come on, I heard about Cas, we're going home." 

    "No, Sammy. I need a drink." Dean said bitterly as he continued to walk.

    "We have liquor at home, come on, Dean. Don't be dumb." Sam said. 

    Dean rolled his eyes and contemplated. "Whatever." He said finally, sliding into the passengers seat of his brother's douchey car. 

    "You'll thank me when you're drunk and in your own bed." Sam said softly as he started driving back toward his small apartment complex. 

    Dean stalked into the living room while Sam poured a glass of whiskey. 

    "You wanna talk about it?" His younger brother called from the kitchen.

    "Nah, Sam. It's just weird. Everything seems so fucked up, like... I don’t know. Something's not right." Dean said staring at the coffee table. Ever since he got the call from Victor he had this bizarre sense of wrong, just like the ones he got when he would wake up in the middle of the night and  Cas  wouldn't be in their room. 

    "Well, he's missing, there's obviously something wrong." Sam said before handing the glass over to Dean and looking at his expression. "What are you thinking?" 

    "Nothing, it's nothing." Dean said, shaking his head. He did remember that night with Jo at the Roadhouse. He remembered it clear as day, Cas had downed half the bottle of vodka and then passed out with his head in Dean's lap, woke up the next morning complaining of a headache, but never puked once.  Cas never puked. The kid was practically a machine, and he was the one who told Dean about it in the first place. That's why they went to the Roadhouse, why Jo snuck the vodka upstairs, why they had a drinking contest which ended in Cas saying "I told you so" all slurred and swaying from side to side. Dean shook his head as he downed the whiskey and pushed himself off the couch to return to his bedroom. 

    "Going to bed." He called over his shoulder.   


        "Thought you wanted to drink?" Sam said. 

        "Changed my mind." He said before closing his bedroom door. 

    He pulled the letter out, there was something he was missing. Cas obviously knew him, knew him for 6 years, knew he'd find it strange that his best friend, his only friend, had just disappeared without a trace, knew Dean would read and reread this letter until he finally caught on. 

    Dean stared at the page. "3 shots, two puking spells, zero hours of sleep, one bad hangover." He made a note on the margin, "3201?" and continued reading. He got to the last paragraph, where Cas was getting sloppy. At first glance, Dean would just suspect Cas was writing too fast, but no, Cas was always consistent. He was a writer. That's when Dean noticed the letters, those letters that were randomly capitalized, Dean couldn't put his finger on it, but he knew they weren't supposed to be that way. It was part of the code, the code that Cas had left him. 

"W-A-T-E-R-A-V-E-F-I-R-S-T " 

    Dean stared at the letters, finally feeling like he was getting somewhere, like this is where Cas meant for him to be, and maybe he subconsciously knew this whole time that there was something wrong. Water Ave First. Dean shook his head, staring at the letters long and hard before glancing at the clock. It was already midnight, he'd been staring at these letters for almost 2 hours. He ran a hand over his face and turned to his bed. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would find out what  Cas  wanted him to know. He promised himself before falling asleep the instant his head hit his pillow. 


	2. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean meets up with Anna Milton, Castiel's wayward sister, who helps him decipher the hidden message in Castiel's letter.

 

        Dean woke up at 10  AM. The sun barely peaked through his curtains and he felt like maybe last night was just a dream. Until he sat up and glanced over to his broken phone lying in a crumpled mess on the floor by his door. He shook his head, pushing himself off of his bed quickly and shoving over to the desk where the letter still sat, mocking him, and his futile attempts of finding his best friend. He stared at the letters. 

        "W-A-T-E-R-A-V-E-F-I-R-S-T"

        Water and ave were both spelled out from random letters. But "first" was separate, one word, all capitalized. Dean crinkled his brow. 

        "Fuck, it's too early for this." He muttered to himself, before walking out of his bedroom to find Sam, already dressed and puttering around the kitchen.

        "I have a date with Jess, brunch with her sister. I'll be gone most of the day." Sam said, his back still turned from Dean. "Hey, I heard some apartments downtown have a few openings, you should go look at them, you know. Get your mind off of things." He added before turning to grab his keys and walking toward the door.

        "Yeah, Sammy. Have fun. Tell Jess I said hi." Dean said moving toward the coffee machine. He poured a generous amount into the biggest mug they had and walked back to his room, determined to figure this strange message out. 

        Before he could even sit down the landline was ringing, shrill, and angry, forcing Dean to rush back to the kitchen.

        "Hello?" Dean said, breathlessly. 

        "Dean?" A woman said on the other line, Dean was about to ask who she was before she continued  "It's Anna, I don't know if you remember me. I stopped by a few times to see Castiel," She sounded sweet, timid and quiet, but with an edge. Just like Castiel. Dean remembered her immediately, the redheaded sister  Castiel always talked about, who rebelled against their overly religious family by coming out as a lesbian. "Are you busy today? I was hoping we could have lunch or something." She said, her voice ending in a strange note of uncertainty.

        "I don't know if I can, Anna." Dean started.

        "Look this is weird, but he left me a letter and I just need to talk to someone about it. " Anna blurted out quickly. "Sorry, I mean, Castiel. He left me a letter, and I don't know what any of it means, but I know there's more to it ." 

        "Cas left you a letter?" Dean said wiping a hand down his face. "Was there a poem, something really weird? About rain and anger or something like that?" 

        "Yes." Anna said  simply. "He left you one too, didn't he." 

        It wasn't a question, Anna already knew Dean had a letter as well. 

        "Yeah." He said quietly. 

        " Biggerson's  in a few hours.  I'm at my girlfriend's right now, she doesn’t know about any of this, and I don't want to her find out." Anna said quietly, her voice was rushed. "Meet me at noon." 

        The line went dead and Dean had to force himself to move. He had just enough time to eat breakfast, even though he felt nauseous, and look over the letter once more. His entire body felt numb, like he had just found this secret he never really wanted to uncover. He paced his bedroom staring at the page in his hand for a good 15 minutes when he finally decided being a couple hours early wouldn't hurt. He shoved his arms into his jacket, folded the letter up and left a quick note for Sam.

         _"Out till later, don't wait up."_

        Less than 20 minutes later he sat behind the wheel of his precious Impala outside of Biggerson's. He saw the petite familiar redhead sitting in a booth near the window, and pushed out of the car. When he got inside he smiled at her, waving awkwardly. 

        "I couldn't wait." Anna said with a smile playing at her lips as he got closer. "I take it you couldn't either." 

        "No. I need to get to the bottom of this." Dean said as he slid into the booth across from her. "I need to find him." 

        Dean looked a round the restaurant anxiously as Anna pulled her letter out of her bag. 

        "Here it is. I don't know what any of it means, I feel like I'm missing the other half of it." She said quietly shaking her head as she stared at the letter  before turning it around so Dean could read it. 

_         Anna, my dear, sweet Anna.  _

_         It feels strange to write these words out. You were my only friend growing up, I mean you still sort of are, but you saved me from the worst of it when father left. When mother would get drunk on wine and start throwing blame at all of us. Do you remember when the three of us got into that argument? Both of our brothers, the two of them, had to pull mother away. I swear she had zero tolerance for us. One more child and she would have gone crazy.  _

_         I don't  knoW  why I remember you As my hero,  iT  probably has to do with all  thosE  nights you held me as I  cRied  over father leaving. Whenever I felt Alone you were there to comfort me, my big sister, I  loVE  you, Anna. I hope you like the poem I wrote you. I hope you understand it.  _

_ Tell Michael and Luke I love them, if you ever see them again.  _

_ Castiel. _

        Dean stared blankly at the words, before pulling his own letter out. 

        "The letters. They match." Dean said hastily, glancing up to see Anna's confused expression. 

        "The capitalized letters," He began again, skimming his fingers over the sentences where Castiel gave hints. "They're the same ones. W-A-T-E-R-A-V-E. And the part where he says "The three of us got into that argument. The two of them, had to pull mother away. She had zero tolerance for us. One more child and she would have gone crazy." The numbers he says are the same as the numbers in mine." 

        Dean was talking quickly, too quickly, he knew Anna was keeping up, though. She stared intently at the letter. 

        "Was yours true? The story he put in there, did it happen like that?" Dean asked then. 

        Anna looked up, her blue eyes almost identical to Cas's, and shook her head. "No. No, I barely remember it, but that's not how it happened. Mother and I were fighting, Castiel was upstairs , he came into my bedroom when it was over, asked what happened. Michael and Lucas were comforting mother downstairs. He was never involved."

        Dean nodded, his hands were shaking slightly as he stared at the pages. 

        "But what do they mean." Dean muttered to himself, before Anna snatch both pages back, flipping them over to the back where the forgotten poems stood in black ink. 

        "The poems are different." Anna noticed suddenly. 

    _"_ _ Awake, lost and sad takes anger_ _i_ _nstead reaps, _

_         Here and swear my endearments.  _

_         Paper leaves easiest answers soars, enchanting.  _

_         Hang each loud plea, my endangered  _

_         Parroted rain inside seas of no errands, rain." _

        Dean's poem was strange, it made no sense, just words strung together. Then Anna read her own. They were similar.

_         " Take anger, kerosene, endearments, naked.  _

_         Hang each loud plea. _

_         Awake, lost and sad taken answers instead reaps. _

_         Pain rains inside soars of never ending rain." _

        Dean shook his head. "They don't make sense." 

        Anna ran a palm over her forehead before slamming her fist on the table. 

        "First." She said, eyes bright and staring into Dean's. "FIRST." 

        Dean stared at her blankly, before it clicked. First. 

        "First. " He repeated quietly staring at the pages. He glanced up at the redhead across the table, but Anna was already standing up, tugging on Dean's elbow.

        "Come on, we have to go." Anna said as she pulled Dean into a standing position.

        "Anna, wait, what do you know?" Dean said furrowing his brow, and letting her pull them toward his car.

        "I know where he is." Anna said with a bright smile. "I figured it out, I know. Ruby dropped me off so we need to take your car, just drive I'll explain." 

        Dean was shoved into the general direction of the drivers side door before Anna sprinted to the passenger side, pushing herself inside and breathing heavily. Dean started the car while staring at Anna. He tore out of Biggerson's parking lot as fast as he could, finally understanding where his best friend had been. 


End file.
